It’s freaking me out that my wife is becoming a Buddhist

Dear Ms. Understanding,

My wife and I have only been married for a couple of years, and lately it seems she is well on her way to becoming a practicing Buddhist. She gets very animated when she talks about this, and at the very least it seems like something she wants to explore deeply. I’m trying to be supportive, but the truth is, it freaks me out. I’m not a religious person at all—I simply do not identify with the need to have religion in one’s life. When we met, that’s how she seemed to feel too, so I feel somewhat disoriented in the relationship now. I’m afraid that we’re growing apart before we get a chance to be truly intimate. What should I do? Signed, Lifelong Agnostic

Dear Agnostic,

Are you certain your wife’s newfound spirituality is a liability in the relationship? It sounds to me like she’s in a good place—alive with joy and curiosity at what she has discovered—and as long as she isn’t expecting you to put on any saffron robes, you should try to keep an open mind. The two of you don’t need to have identical intellectual architecture in order to be happy; it’s possible to have different needs and pursuits without growing apart. Ms. Understanding tends to tune out completely, for instance, when Mr. Understanding rambles on about snowboarding, but hoo boy does she ever like what it does to his calves. Allow for the possibility that Buddhism, while it doesn’t interest you personally, could add facets to her personality that you’ll enjoy. Bear in mind too that whatever chord this relatively philosophical religion is striking within her was present when you met her and fell in love. Seek to understand that and you may just learn something about yourself.

I want to travel the world for a year but he doesn’t

Dear Ms. Understanding,

I am a 25-year-old woman in a relationship for three years with a man who is eight years older. I can’t stand my job and am currently planning to fulfill my longstanding dream of taking a year-long trip around the world. I’ve saved up money, done a ton of research—including ways of making spare cash while out on the road, like being a courier for messenger services or cleaning sailboats in harbor towns. I feel happy and excited when I’m making these plans, and I long to make them come true. The only problem here is my boyfriend. He’s squarely in the career building phase of his life, and says that he can’t imagine taking a whole year off of work. Sometimes he’ll talk about coming with me in a dreamy sort of way, but in the light of day—he backs off of this. If I go without him, I’m afraid it will break up the relationship, but when I think of not taking this trip, it makes me so incredibly sad. What should I do? Signed, Wanderlusting

Dear Wanderlusting,

Quit your job and travel the world for a year. Those of us who didn’t do so in our twenties do regret it. We all thought we’d just go later, but never anticipated that our priorities would involuntarily shift with age and that we’d soon be inexplicably captivated by things like the thread count of our bedsheets. The instinct to give yourself some grand experiences is a good one. When you’re someday feeling stifled by the monotony of a daily routine, you’ll be able to conjure up memories of that time you took the night ferry to Crete, swam with the dusky dolphins off the coast of New Zealand, spent that month in Timbuktu, and so on. Plan the trip, set a date, buy the ticket. Let your fella know so he can come along if he wants to, but if he doesn’t—don’t let that stand in your way. Go. With or without him.

Her band is suddenly doing well. Am I going to lose her?

Dear Ms. Understanding,

I’m a 28 year old graphic designer and my girlfriend of two years is in a rock band that’s suddenly starting to do very well. I’m thrilled for her of course, but I’m concerned that this means the end of our relationship. She’s out on the road all the time and getting no end of attention from drunk young guys, which she seems to disregard completely but I have to admit—it sometimes gets to me. We’re great as a couple—lots of laughs, great sex, mutal trust. I love her and I don’t want to lose her. How can we hold this together? Signed, More Insecure Than I Would Have Thought

Dear Insecure,

She sounds like a sensible girl to me, one more interested in the pleasures of a longterm relationship than the fish-in-a-barrel cliché of groupie hookups. If you haven’t already, get clear on how she feels about her newfound success as it relates to your relationship so that you have more than just your own perspective on this. And keep in mind that while her absences may occasionally put a strain on your relationship, they will also allow you two to preserve the erotic mystery of one another for far longer than most partnered people. When possible, arrange to meet her in small town motels with names like Starlite and Tally-Ho. Show up with candles, her favorite kind of take out, and a bottle of good champagne. To level the playing field a bit, you might also consider taking up some hobby that the ladies tend to find attractive: painting, snowboarding, salsa dancing…you get the idea. Not only will it help to pass the time while she’s gone, it will give you new confidence when you’re together. Chat about the fantastic nude figure drawing class you’re taking while preparing her a bubble bath at the No-Tel.