Dear Ms. Understanding,
My wife and I have only been married for a couple of years, and lately it seems she is well on her way to becoming a practicing Buddhist. She gets very animated when she talks about this, and at the very least it seems like something she wants to explore deeply. I’m trying to be supportive, but the truth is, it freaks me out. I’m not a religious person at all—I simply do not identify with the need to have religion in one’s life. When we met, that’s how she seemed to feel too, so I feel somewhat disoriented in the relationship now. I’m afraid that we’re growing apart before we get a chance to be truly intimate. What should I do? Signed, Lifelong Agnostic
Dear Agnostic,
Are you certain your wife’s newfound spirituality is a liability in the relationship? It sounds to me like she’s in a good place—alive with joy and curiosity at what she has discovered—and as long as she isn’t expecting you to put on any saffron robes, you should try to keep an open mind. The two of you don’t need to have identical intellectual architecture in order to be happy; it’s possible to have different needs and pursuits without growing apart. Ms. Understanding tends to tune out completely, for instance, when Mr. Understanding rambles on about snowboarding, but hoo boy does she ever like what it does to his calves. Allow for the possibility that Buddhism, while it doesn’t interest you personally, could add facets to her personality that you’ll enjoy. Bear in mind too that whatever chord this relatively philosophical religion is striking within her was present when you met her and fell in love. Seek to understand that and you may just learn something about yourself.
